I love her so much
bless friends who tell you, “text me when you get home safe”
"Thanks for calling me a bitch because a bitch is a dog. Dogs bark. Bark is on trees. Trees are nature. and nature is beautiful. So thanks for calling me beautiful(: "
do old people masturbate
Boy: Wanna go out sometime?
Me: No, I’m sorry. I’m really trying to focus on my career right now.
I DIDNT EVEN OMG
Day 77, no one suspects a thing.
I was so focused on the one dog sitting patiently in the back that I didn’t even realize
I’m glad the portrait of Ben Franklin stayed the same on the new $100 bill. There’s something about his slight, tight frown, the paternal hint of disappointment in his eyes and those pursed, sealed lips that seem to say, “I don’t approve of what you’re doing, but I can’t stop you from rolling this banknote into a straw and ripping a fat rail of white lightning in the Buffalo Wild Wings handicapped bathroom stall, you goddamn beautiful disaster.”